As we re-enter society, we gradually put aside the blocking routines that take over our lives, and some may also be thinking about ending their relationship.
After all, it’s been a year and a little intense for couples. Some may even be feeling closer than ever developing codependent behaviors after the prolonged period in the pockets of others. Others, meanwhile, are almost finished.
But if your partner easily bothers you, how do you know if you should really break up or is it just a symptom of this terrible situation of God in which we were thrown?
Dr. Katherine Hertlein, couple therapist in the application of sex therapy Blueheart, says it is vital to consider whether it is only your partner that is bothering you or the world.
“Pandemic problems will occur in all parts of your life,” he says. “So what you’ll notice is widespread tension and anxiety (perhaps at a low level), but it won’t just be in your relationship.
“It will be a little at work, a little at home, a little here, a little there. It is this general feeling of dissatisfaction. That’s how it is known that everything that is happening is attributable to the pandemic, rather than an association. “
On the other hand, if you notice that alarms only sound around your partner, especially in response to a particular habit or trait, this is the clue on which the relationship needs to be worked out.
Among her clients, Dr. Hertlein sees evidence that the pandemic has more often aggravated or illuminated problems that existed before, rather than creating new problems.
“The issue of inattention, for example, has become more noticeable when it seems like there are more opportunities to care for your partner and it’s not happening,” he says. “It may be something that people count on work schedules and things like that before, but if we’re all at home and the schedule is a little tighter, then you start asking some tough questions like,‘ well, for what is not the attention? ‘”
It’s been a tough year for everyone, he adds, so before you get on with a relationship, take a break, take stock, and see if you can solve the problem.
The first step is to find out what you really want and need that you don’t get. The second step is to communicate it to your partner, without anger or judgment. “One of the most common things I hear is,‘ I shouldn’t communicate my needs, my partner should know because we’ve been together three months / four months / 10 years, ”Dr. Hertlein says. : “Listen, your partner is not a mental reader.”
“The problem of inattention has become more noticeable in the pandemic.”
– Dra. Katherine Hertlein, couple therapist
Make a few attempts at your partner to meet these needs; again, we were all pretty exhausted. But if it doesn’t happen after a good start, it may be a sign that it’s time to leave.
“Keep track of the cases where you’ve expressed your need and if we get to three, four, five times where you’ve said it, frustration will start to set in,” Dr. Hertlein says. “That’s when people start thinking, ‘I love this person, but they may not be able to give me what I need.’
Ruptures are often complicated, but Dr. Hertlein believes there are some steps to take to end things more kindly. “He’s likely to be away from home in the middle of the night and not give any forwarding address,” he jokes. “I think it’s about being flexible.”
You can express to your partner that the pandemic has made you realize that you want something different, she says, while expressing gratitude for what they have given you. It’s important to acknowledge how you confused such a hard time together, as well as talk about how you might want to be in the lives of others in the future.
“The pandemic has been really difficult for a lot of people and I want to make sure everyone who moves forward recognizes that we’ve been through this really difficult thing together,” Dr. Hertlein says. “That person will be a part of your life because he was a part of your life in this unusual part of the story.”
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